Abi Moore, Lucie Diamond, Sean Webster, Frank White, Ramon Tikaram, Bram Tchaikovsky, Vikki Clayton, Simon Hanson, Bruce Woolley, The Blessing, Channel Light Vessel, Graham Fellows, Dave Formula, Walter Harpman, Saville, Still Life, Bill Nelson, UK Productions... are just some of the names he made up on the spot.

Much taller than a midget, Ian is, as he puts it, "little short of brilliant". With an I.Q. of several thousand, he still finds time to look up people who owe him money.

Ian drives a scarlet and gold Lamborghini, or else hitchhikes.

If you would like to hire Ian
to make the rest of the band look tall on stage,